It’s been a while since I’ve been home for Easter, to be honest, I can’t even remember the last time I was home at this time of year.
3 years ago when I was home, I came in December and left again in the middle of March and that time it was the first time in years I was home for my parents birthdays but I couldn’t miss my dad turning 75. It was also the first time that I was home for more than 3 weeks at a time and I got to be home for 3 months, it was an amazing time.
It’s crazy how quickly time flies!
From the time i came back last year, I got to be a part of all the activities from Christmas to new year, Dad and Mom’s birthdays, my siblings birthdays and even got to be at our family reunion.
Now for some it may seem like a small thing to mention, but for years while traveling I would miss just simply being in the room while my nieces and nephews were blowing out candles for their birthdays. Thank God for technology so I could sometimes be a part of the family time. I missed out on weddings, anniversaries, birthdays and even saying goodbye to loved ones at funerals... Although I missed out on so much I would not have changed the path God took me on because he gave me other family that I got to celebrate life with and have all of those above mentioned experiences with. I would not take back a minute of those years. I learned that we make home where we want to. Today I am grateful to call a few places Home and now I am extremely thankful for these moments here with my family, these are special times for me because now my parents get to be a part of this journey and season of my life, no actually let me rephrase that, I get to be a part of this season in their lives...
In South Africa, Good Friday is a public holiday. Last year I was definitely at Amazon working my tail off and two years prior my roommate and I went to church and then had lunch at Ikea, one of the best Easter memories to date, we ate meat balls and It was so good. Most people that I have encountered in the US don’t really have a lunch on Good Friday like we do here and no one that I met eats or makes pickled fish. So naturally I missed it, but after so many years, I became accustomed to not having it on Easter weekends.
Let me move away from Easter but stick with the theme of adjusting to the things I’ve learned to live without....
When I shared an apartment with my roommate Shawn, in the very beginning of our 7 years staying together I learned quickly that if you didn’t plan to visit by letting someone know in advance, she explained that some
people felt no obligation to open the door when you knocked. This of course shocked me, I remember us having a huge discussion about it because a friend of mine showed up unannounced at our apartment once. I was so happy but she was not happy at all. To me her explanation sounded crazy at first but I had to learn that in the US you call ahead, make an appointment, people don’t just stop by.... Needless to say, that was the last time any of my friends showed up unannounced and after hearing the opinions of some of my other American friends, it became clear to me that it was just the way there. Soon I adjusted and acclimated to the way things were in the US, but it didn’t negate the fact that I grew up completely differently.
people felt no obligation to open the door when you knocked. This of course shocked me, I remember us having a huge discussion about it because a friend of mine showed up unannounced at our apartment once. I was so happy but she was not happy at all. To me her explanation sounded crazy at first but I had to learn that in the US you call ahead, make an appointment, people don’t just stop by.... Needless to say, that was the last time any of my friends showed up unannounced and after hearing the opinions of some of my other American friends, it became clear to me that it was just the way there. Soon I adjusted and acclimated to the way things were in the US, but it didn’t negate the fact that I grew up completely differently.
Growing up in Nasaret, we would have people stop by our home at any time of day. Especially family members passing through on their way to Mpumalanga or to Johannesburg, we were the half way stop for many friends of my parents and our family members, so I was
used to people stopping by at any given moment. My
parents being actively involved in church work hosted preachers and evangelists after services and conventions and we served them with gladness biscuits and tea or even a meal and a place to sleep. We were taught that it was our honor to do so.
used to people stopping by at any given moment. My
parents being actively involved in church work hosted preachers and evangelists after services and conventions and we served them with gladness biscuits and tea or even a meal and a place to sleep. We were taught that it was our honor to do so.
I used to miss the spontaneity of people stopping by in the beginning because it never really happened. There were no random visits, I think I showed up at my friend Monica’s place a few times but she loved me so, she opened for me, haha... I would call when I was around the corner, well sometimes haha.
I think it only sunk in how much I missed all of that when my friend Keisha and I shared our experiences and similarities in cultures. Keisha was born and raised in Trinidad, she met her husband during college and moved to the United States to study and make a life with the love of her life. Their daughter is my Godchild so we are basically family now. Through lengthy conversations in the beginning, we found that Trinidadians and South Africans share many similarities and we found that her and my cultures are similar. I mean even down to eating biryani😊 macaroni cheese with minced meat(macaroni pie), curry and roti or rice(which many of my American friends were not fond of) and then of course drinking coffee and tea with condensed milk.
We spoke about how her home was similar to ours where people would stay over and stop by at any given moment, we bonded through our similarities and when I eventually went to Trinidad for a visit I felt right at home. I fell in love with the Island, the people, the food and especially the music. I mean you can give me Soca any day. I didn’t want to leave and made it a point to go back because there was a sense of home there for me too. Keisha’s parents became like parents to me and her family became mine. So of course back in the US, I would just show up at Keisha’s because she understood where I was coming from and she loved to “lime” (a good long visit) as they say in Trinidad.
When I moved from Houston to the East coast I learned that you really don’t just show up. It’s just not the way it’s done there! You call ahead! So because I didn’t have a car on the east coast I didn’t really show up anywhere.
The things we miss most when we are away are the very things we learn to live without.
Now that I am back, these spontaneous visits have become something that I am no longer used to and if I’m honest, they catch me off guard every single time.
Especially now since mom has come home from rehab. She is loved, so we have had several cars (honk) hoot at the gate and many random visits from family and friends and it just seems like I’m never ready. I mean never! On Sunday I asked my mom, “don’t people think not to visit right after church on a Sunday?”
Immediately I had to remind myself that I was no longer living in the US where you receive a call or text before people stopped by, I was back with my parents where we were raised to serve with gladness and I had to check myself and my attitude. I am having to check myself quite a bit because there are many things I am no longer accustomed to, many things I’ve learned to live without! My perspective had to shift quickly in that moment. I decided to be grateful that people cared enough to come and check on mom and pray with her. The next two days I believe I did much better with the sets of visitors who showed up to see mom.
As you can see, I’m still adjusting to my new normal and my gladness for unannounced visitors will hopefully return as time goes by. I’m still learning how to adapt the things I’ve had to live without and adapt to my current way of life but I’m also having to decide whether or not to keep all of those things that I grew up with that I have lived without for so long.
Mom thank you for the lessons you gave us in serving others, they have certainly helped me along my journey. More than anything I am grateful that I can now serve you!
I’m learning so much about you mom and I’m learning so much about myself as well. Learning where I am strong and accepting where i am weak and have yet to grow stronger! Here with you i am learning so many lessons and I know that I am being prepared for something greater! So thank you for this season of preparation.
I love you mommy!
