I was getting ready for my flight last night and so many thoughts came to mind when I took out my passport. So I decided to write.
The last time I was getting ready for a flight, I was scheduled to leave South Africa on my standby buddy pass ticket on the 6th of March 2016.
I bought a buddy pass because the ticket prices were ridiculous that time of year and I really wanted to get home for the holidays as I hadn't been home in a year so, having gotten thy ticket through a really amazing friend I was able to go. What a blessing.
I needed that time with my family!
It was a Sunday afternoon and my family usually gets together for a big lunch before I leave the country and so we had a big party! It was pretty emotional this time, like I wasn't going to be back for a while.... Mmmh... a few of my closest friends were there and my immediate family and some cousins. It was such a special day. We ended it with encouraging words. I felt so loved! So Since my friend Melissa lives close to the airport she decided that she'd drop me off on her way home, and so we headed out.
I knew that there was a possibility that I may or may not get on the flight but I was confident that I would make the flight because going to South Africa was so easy, no hassles at all.
However as life has it there was a pit stop in my confident plan to leave that day.
Not only did I not get on the first flight, I didn't get on the second, third or 6th or 7th...
Cargo takes preference in Johannesburg so it was a waiting game for so many of us on standby that week. By the end of the week, I knew the desk clerks and some of the passengers waiting. That Friday night, after yet another no, I was exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally from driving back and forth to the airport and then, after sitting there for a few hours every night, being told No, you didn't make it on the flight today, try again tomorrow for the 6th time, I broke down and just cried. My friend who had come back and forth with me every day saw my exhaustion she was equally tired of the back and forth, so after checking the possibilities of me getting on a flight that Saturday and realizing that they were slim we made an executive decision to not go to the airport that Saturday and decided to stay home. So I went to see my parents and ended up attending my nephews wedding that Sunday morning. I guess it all worked out exactly the way it was meant to.
Over the past 10 years the term "home" has become quite a debatable word for me, through travel and my journey I've taken more of a fluid approach to the word. I have a home now in a few countries, but home is so much more than a building. That week "home" was with my childhood friend, Melissa. My parents live about 45 minutes away from the airport and it made no sense to go all the way back and forth with Jo'burg traffic, so Melissa offered for me to stay at her place till I got on the flight. We thought it would just be that night you know, when she took me to the airport that Sunday she had no idea that she would have to take me to and fro the airport for a whole week, she just said Yes!
Sometimes in life we have no idea what we are saying yes to. Especially when God is in the driving seat of life. We say Yes and God takes over, in our obedience of yes may come an immediate result of a pause or a not yet or a No... It is in those times that faith is tested!
Our patience is tried, our emotions are on a 100 and our feelings are easily hurt!
We are vulnerable, at times broken and sometimes we need to break.
I realized that week as I waited, that I was waiting on so much more than my flight, i needed to be quiet, (Sometimes God needs us to be Quiet). During the day my friend went to class so it was just God and I in that apartment and I'll be honest... I did Not hear him speak in a loud clear voice, and perhaps I wasn't listening close enough or maybe I was distracted but I felt quite alone and far away from him! I had so much to process and it just felt like i was alone.
Here's the thing about relationship, sometimes there are quiet moments, does that mean that love changes? No! Sometimes there are breaks, necessary ones, doesn't mean that love has left! Not at all. Love waits through silent moments.So quietly I waited. I went through that week, with a myriad of thoughts and intense introspection. it was the quiet i needed away from the noise of life to be able to hear the voice of God. After 6 days at that airport I unconsciously decided to rest! It's crazy how the rest in our life is so important and yet it's the one thing we neglect. So i waited and through waiting i learned to rest. I made peace with my situation and just enjoyed my time with my family at my nephews wedding. We ate, we danced, we laughed. All of us together.
That Sunday afternoon after my nephews wedding, i headed back to the airport against my family's will and again I wasn't able to get onto the flight...
I think God was secretly preparing me for what was lying ahead in this season of waiting.
See those 8 colourful little stickers on my passport aren't just decorations.
Those are reminders of the test I was given and needed to pass and reminders of the many more tests that lie ahead. Here I am on a flight to one of my favourite countries Trinidad. This is my second trip with this new passport, my first was after the long wait earlier this year.
I anticipate more adventures in this new season of continually waiting and trusting and resting in God. I think about all the other passports in the past, full of stories, memories, tears and proof that God is in control of my life's flight.
I realize all the more how His hand is in it all!
I may question at time the direction and navigation but I tell you something...
God knows my destination!
As this plane prepares to land, I'm looking forward to what God has in store!
Singing...
Thank you Lord for your blessings on me...
Quietly waiting on Love's Direction,
I say Yes again
I REST IN LOVE
