Autumn and Spring - "Falling off at Maturity".

September is here.... It's spring time in South Africa and about to be autumn here in The United States... 

Two of my favourite seasons!!!! 

Autumn, is interchangeably known as fall in North America, it is one of the four temperate seasons. Autumn marks the transition from summer into winter, when the arrival of night becomes noticeably earlier and the temperature cools considerably. Autumn, when all the colors transition levels of reds and browns and become crisp. One of its main features is the shedding of leaves from deciduous trees. DECIDUOUS means "Falling off at Maturity".... or "tending to fall off", and it is typically used in order to refer to trees or shrubs that lose their leaves seasonally (most commonly during Autumn) and to the shedding of other plant structures such as petals after flowering or fruit when ripe. In a more general sense, deciduous means "the dropping of a part that is no longer needed" or "falling away after its purpose is finished". In plants it is the result of natural processes. 

Spring and "springtime" refer to the season, and also to ideas of rebirth, rejuvenation, renewal, resurrection and regrowth. Spring is when weather can be considered as absolutely perfect because you still have the crisp chill left over from winter, yet you also get to see more flowers popping up here and there. (Information from the Internet) 

So here in lies the beauty of these two seasons for me. One so vividly shows the dying (not negatively but) into maturity and then the other depicts rejuvenation, resurrection and rebirth. 

There cannot be Spring without Autumn. But the cold of winter comes in between these two seasons. Winter is the coldest of the four seasons, often winter is as cold as death.  When I think of this cold i think of grieving, I think of black clothing, symbolizing death and mourning in different parts of the world. Mourning comes with 5 different stages; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Stages in mourning you have walk through. The difference between seasons and mourning is that that with seasons you know that  months later this is going to be over and you look forward to the next season. But with mourning, there is no time frame, a required patience is needed. Mourning takes the life out of us and its not until we surrender and come to the acceptance of the death that we can move on. Let's talk about the dying for a minute. We often think of death as such a negative thing. Yes death is painful, sometimes it comes from a long struggle with suffering so there's almost an expectation that at some point this is going to end. Other times death comes unexpectedly. You have no preparation, no idea or expectation. It comes suddenly, without warning! Death is tragic! 

However when we break this down, we realize that sometimes dying has to occur for life to begin again. 

In the case of autumn, death is described as 

"Falling Off at Maturity" (when it is ripe, falling away when it's purpose is finished).

In a 12 month period, seasons are split up into 3 months each. Each season represents something different needed for the the year to be complete. This is something we struggle to work with in life. We do not know when it's time to end seasons. We fail to "fall off at maturity", we want to change color and stay right there where we are but we do not fall. Essentially we do stay in place, we die, then become shriveled up stuck on a branch that can no longer produce life for us. The only way we can grow again is if our seed falls to the ground, mixes with the earth(dirt, dust) and only when the rain comes do we have a chance for, rebirth, rejuvenation, and resurrection.

I thought it would be cool doing this blog on two of my favourite seasons, playing on the words and timezones, but after my research i'm sitting here kicked in the butt with the reality that dying has to occur. 

As painful as it is, Dying is necessary. How many of us are Stuck somewhere on a branch that we should've fallen off from a long time ago? 

Afraid to die and yet we are already dead, not knowing that all we we have to do is fall off to live again….

Dying is a part of the natural process, but it becomes harder for us when we have not mastered the art of dying to self daily… A challenge we could all apply to our daily journey. Then we are more equipped when seasonal changes come, dying becomes more of a necessity rather than a disaster. Luke9:23 (thanks to my sister Krystle for this thought)

In closing...

Ecclesiastes 3 is powerful in both the MSG & AMP versions. Read the full chapter if you can.

Ecclesiastes 3Amplified Bible (AMP)

1 To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven: 2 A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted, 3 A time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up, 4 A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,5 A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 6 A time to get and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to cast away, 7  time to rend and a time to sew, a time to keep silence and a time to speak,

8 A time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

So here i am God. 
Challenged to die again and ready to live again in full blossom.

Help me to embrace the Autumn of my life so that i may get to the spring without interruption. 

That I may bloom in due season.

35.... Freedom, Grace, Forgiveness, Marriage, Success - Perfect Timing!

As I take a quick trip down memory lane...

1998, At 18 I was so excited about the freedom I was about to experience when I left my parents home. Freedom I thought was so attractive at that point in my young life. I had no idea of the luxury I was leaving and the struggle I was walking into. The struggle called adulthood and all that came along with it. I never owned a cell phone. We never had cable television. But life was great! And it was about to change drastically! Me, the baby of 5, off to college to study something so outside the norm of what was expected! 

My life since then has been a series of out the norm experiences. I consider it a blessing that I was able to become an entertainer even though Dad really wanted me to be an accountant. I giggle at that thought. With 4 decades between Dad and I, I always felt slightly misunderstood! But God knew exactly what he was doing in my life even though I had no clue! The strict upbringing molded me into the woman I am today! 

Growing up with a bubbly personality doesn't always mean having it all together. It seemed as if I was the life of the room but underneath the surface was deep roots of low self esteem and insecurities, which is probably why acting made so much sense for me. I was on a quest to find myself. The past 10 years have been just that! A journey of self discovery!

As much as I thought I had it together at 25, I didn't! I thought because I owned a car, was a new home owner, had a boyfriend who told me I was going to be his wife and my career was getting there (well I was kinda working on it) that I had it together. Boy oh boy was I wrong. I had a nice kick in the butt reality check when I moved to another country. It was only when I was taken away from the comfort zone of family, friends, and work relationships that I was forced to really look at myself.This journey is one I will need to write a book about one day… Perhaps soon.

But here I am, It's my birthday today.... 35. A whole new outlook on life!

I am beginning to understand the true definition of Grace, when I have had to give Grace to others. I must admit, giving Grace isn't always an easy task but then you realize how much you have needed it personally. You begin to quiet your judgement and harshness and even if you're hurt by situations or people and their actions, you are still able to give compassion and grace wholeheartedly, with great hope in God who holds you together. 

I've been challenged to forgive... I've always been a forgiving person. I would forgive first then deal with it later, but the challenge now comes when your eyes are opened to the world we live in. When we are no longer innocent or protected to the evils of this life. Forgiveness becomes a challenge even when your soul reminds you that it's the right thing to do.

I was never the girl into fairytales who thought I'd get married young. I was not the one who had her colours picked or already had my wedding already planned (Clearly). But when all your friends are now married with kids or just have kids and your role has become resident aunt to all (which I love by the way I have 14 nieces and nephews and yes I wrestle with my nephews, not complaining ). you start to wonder... Where have I gone wrong? On the other end you hear about the increase in divorce and married unsatisfied couples and then you ask yourself am I actually okay here… Alone?

Then there's the pressure and measure of success that we have been given to believe is the only way to live. Kill yourself for a great pension package, or get as many trophies and social media likes as possible to show how successfully popular and well "loved" you are! Ha!!! Look I'm not saying don't work hard, I'm not saying don't dream... I'm not saying no Instagram (noooooo)!

But there's certainly distortion here, for all of us. Recently i got wind that a childhood friend of mine who I love and respect so kindly, told another friend of ours how unsuccessful she thinks I am... or however she put it. To be living in another country, singing background vocals for another artist, instead of having my own cd or a boyfriend or a green card. Ha! Talk about having an opinion! It stung a little, coming from a "friend" talking this way about me (like that never happens) but then it dawned on me, firstly our view of success is so different! Secondly she believes there's greater for me and I really appreciate it, but her desires for me and what my journey is carved out to be are two different things. I've learned that just because people want things to happen in your life in a certain way doesn't necessarily mean that God intends for them to happen that way for you or that you desire them or that you are ready for them. It made me realize how much I've grown and changed and how my perspective has gotten a great education! I'm still learning man! I could never be upset with her for wishing the best for me. I just had to take from it the lesson and move on.

 

The older I get the more I recognize my flaws and now instead of running from them I embrace them, I embrace myself! I'm beautifully flawed! I can honestly look at myself in the Mirror and say, "Lois you're beautiful and mean it." I could never truthfully do that at 18, or 20 or 25 I can look at the weight I've gained and tell myself you need to work on it, instead of whispering something horrible about myself to myself, and believing it and staying stuck there. I don't hate myself. In fact, I have come to love my curves, most days. And that in itself is beautiful! 

I am not easily moved by people's opinions! Sometimes they get to me, but for the most part I have a saying... Do they pay my bills. Haha... I try to teach my little sisters to care less about what others think of them and focus on who God says they are, then learn to remember it and walk in their true identity.

As far as success goes! My measure of success has changed! It had to! 

Daily whatsapp texts from Daddy at 75 and Mommy at 73 telling us they love us, the peaceful group texts between my siblings and I screams louder than any applause received when collecting the trophies of this life! Today my parents are alive and healthy, they are not in the hospital, they have everything they need. I am surrounded by amazing friends (near and far) who genuinely like me, support me, and love me enough to tell me the truth in love. TO ME THIS IS SUCCESS! No amount of money can buy that! I have come to appreciate the gift of accountability! 

There is a quote I really love "A body of men holding themselves accountable to nobody ought not to be trusted by anybody"- Thomas Paine. I've become a better person because I have people who help lead me back on the path when I veer slightly left or right. This to me is success; admitting that I need help to walk through life and that I cannot do it alone. I've learned that you have to go through a journey to appreciate the true value of life. 

As far as grace and forgiveness goes... I am human. Sometimes I don't want to forgive and that's just real! I fail, I feel, I hurt, I get angry, I cry (a lot), I laugh, I love, I forgive and then start all over again. But then there is God, so merciful, even toward me. So I begin again with repentance. 

See I understand this now more than ever! 

I am right on schedule! Nothing is out of time or place and where I am is exactly where I'm supposed to be! A good friend of mine reminded me that "We are Never off Schedule when we are in God's time!"

And so I trod on...eager to start this next semester of life, excited to see what the curriculum of this season will be, and ready to try and pass the test, in His Perfect Timing! 

So here I am Lord Use me.

Thank you for blessing me with an incredible, 35 years of life lived to the fullest, an unbelievable journey that has only just begun! Thank you for taking me to countries all over the world to see the beauty of your creation through your eyes and languages of others! Thank you God for choosing me to walk out this path! thank you for opening doors for me by sending amazing people into my life. Thank you for using those People!

Thank you God for saying yes, when doctors told my mom she could have no more children, you saw fit to give me a chance! I'm forever grateful Lord! May my life forever reflect You, no matter what I do or where I go! May my walk and my life be pleasing to You! 

For the next 35 and more God .. I surrender to Your

  Perfect Timing! 

Beyond Blessed, Extremely Grateful!

Natural Hair Diaries - Perfection Obsession

We want the Perfect weave, the Perfect make-up the Perfect outfit, the Perfect House, the Perfect Car, the Perfect life, the Perfect Partner, the Perfect Face, the Perfect Body!  

As a Woman, I understand the need to look good. I understand the need to feel good. 

But, have we gotten to a place where the Good we wake up to is no longer acceptable or encouraged? 

We spend hours contouring and reshaping the structure of our faces with layers and layers of make up, just to end up looking like a completely different person, and then try to make it look as natural as possible. 

Then we take to social media to apply the perfect filter to make sure that the followers we've obtained always see us looking RIGHT! I must admit, I'm guilty at times! 

Most of our followers have no clue what we really look like! Have no clue who we really are. They just subscribe to our feed and live in the fantasy of perfection we portray! They become infatuated with the perfection we have given them to go by and we are motivated by their likes and comments so we just keep it going! 

This collage is just a small example, I have included the original picture, bottom left. 

What a difference our filters make to a No make up face!  We will try and try until we find the perfect filter that makes us look absolutely flawless. 

Many of us Never go without make up. In fact, we have started to despise ourselves when we are without it! We say the cruelest things about ourselves and don't even realize what is coming out of our mouths.

Although all our filters, apps and gadgets are fun, we have created a monster! A monster that we all Love, but what are we setting ourselves up for?? 

I personally love make-up, so this is not me throwing anyone under the bus for their daily choices, this is just us having an open, honest conversation about where we are at and how we are setting the standards for our future or current daughters and believe it or not sons! 

We have placed such high expectations on ourselves to be perfect. We have the media determining what is best for us so we starve ourselves to fit into a 0 to make sure we are current, and also to fit into the boxes society builds for us to live in. However we make sure we are sexy enough to give face and a good shoulder-Bone in our pictures! 

Sometimes however a filter cannot fix everything in our lives! Being skinny won't fix everything having followers won't fix anything. 

We cover up hurt and pain by posting great pictures even when life is at its worst! So when we are truly facing challenges, no one will ever know! No one is there when we cry, Alone. 

We have become Perfect and Lonely! 

Now I understand being healthy! 

This is Extremely important and daily I strive to make better choices to avoid generational illnesses like diabetes and others. I don't always get it right but I try my best! 

Have we have taken it all a step too far though? We Obsess about Everything!!! We Enjoy Nothing!! 

2 years ago I was That girl who said "I would Never wear my natural hair "! Never!!!! 

I had been relaxing my hair since I was a teenager and I was ok with my creamy crack. My routine was every 6 weeks to 3 months.

Here I am 2 years going on 3 years later, learning & understanding how hair & beauty has crippled so many of us as young women!  

We have this idea that the way we are born is second rate... So we go through life never even knowing what our real hair looks like... What our natural curl pattern is and for some like me never knowing that our hair texture doesn't even need to be relaxed. We just do it anyway because it's always been done.

The men around us don't truly know what we look like without make up or all the extra trimmings because we don't like ourselves as we are, and we never give them the opportunity to see! We have in turn created a generation of men who are happier when we wear a weave and extensions. Happier to see us with long flowing hair when in actuality for some, that will never be a real reality! Now I'm all for a weave, every now and then a girl needs a break. (protective styles) 

But some of our men, many of them have no clue "what lies beneath", quite frankly would prefer not to find out. 

There are deeper rooted issues that we have to deal with! For me, as a Coloured girl growing up in South Africa it probably stems all the way back to a pencil test, where the determination of our "race classification" was based on our Hair. Yes our Hair! From that came so many generations of hurt and confusion as well as serious identity issues for many! (not saying all but many) 

Over the next few months I'd love to journey with you, talking about my own experience,  some things that have been deeply rooted in oppression as well as talking to some amazing women who have taken a stand to embrace their natural beauty. We will discuss their experiences with Natural Hair & Beauty. 

I'm excited about shedding some light as I continue through my own journey and getting a great conversation going to help those who are thinking about going natural as well as those who do not understand the process. I realize that's there are many resources out there on this particular subject but I still feel that this is necessary! It's is also time to deal with the deeper rooted issues we so often hide. 

It important for me to help our next generation of Powerful Women and help some of our men understand because it's almost as if we have to reprogram the definition of Beautiful not just for the men but so that we all can be seen beyond what is the norm! I know of some guys who may be in love with a girl, her face, her body, personality but cannot accept their natural hair. This is heartbreaking because their idea of perfection has left them in a state of loneliness and settling for what they don't really want. 

I hope we can all engage and hopefully the next few months of interviews and conversation will Help us all get to a place of better understanding. 

Over the past two years I have learned so much on my personal Natural Hair Journey. 

I am growing and understanding that being natural is more than just a great twist out or fashion statement... It is the lessons that I will one day teach my daughter that she is so much More than just her hair... So much more than her appearance. I look forward to those moments with my daughter one day! I will teach her Psalm 139 (amp/msg) as I have meditated on it: 

13 For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I will confess and praise You for You are fearful and wonderful and for the awful wonder of my birth! Wonderful are Your works, and that my inner self knows right well.

15 My frame was not hidden from You when I was being formed in secret [and] intricately and curiously wrought [as if embroidered with various colors] in the depths of the earth [a region of darkness and mystery].

16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious and weighty also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! - 

I look forward to further conversing with you on all these topics.

In our next blog we'll talk about my personal Natural Hair Journey and my first ever no make shoot!! I'm also partnering with incredible Photo Journalist Amanda Rippen White from ARWhite Photography to capture some of our Queens!! 

Stay tuned!!!

Please feel free to let us know your thoughts and questions! 

Have a blessed day!!! 

Remember we are all Perfectly Imperfect Human Beings! Let us take the challenge to be Authentic! Dig deeper than the outer appearance and maybe through our imperfections find common ground through real friendships and lasting relationships. 

Blessings Lois.